Corban: Zach just called me a jerl. Do you know what a jerl is?
me: A guy who drinks way too much jheri curl.
Corban: Is there an amount of jheri curl that wouldn't be too much to drink?
I would think that you can't drink any amount of jheri curl and be ok.
me: I guess you're right.
Little known fact, Walter Payton had his blood replaced by Jheri Curl in the mid-1970's.
Corban: Is that what made him "Sweetness?"
me: Yes, Jheri Curl introduced high fructose corn syrup.
Corban: So you're saying that the jheri curl industry is really in the pocket of the corn lobby?
me: Try the other way around.
Corban: Ahhh...I smell a very sugary Oliver Stone conspiracy movie in the works.
me: It's called Jheri Crack Corn.
Corban: I like it.
I see Wesley Snipes as the creator of jheri curl who gets caught up in the high stakes world of specialty beauty products.
I hope he's available.
me: He's is, but he needs to be paid under the table.
In cash.
Is it ironic that the maker of Jheri Curl now primarily sells a chemical hair straightener?
Corban: Not really. Wouldn't they just have to reverse the formula?
me: But that would render it undrinkable.
Corban: Not necessarily. You'd be surprised what you can drink.
me: See, I guess that's where we differ. I never let that word, can, hold me down.
Corban: Maybe you should let that word hold you back a little.
me: Does fantasy football make you more or less interested in regular NFL games?
Corban: Far more interested. Before I would watch Broncos games (Go Broncos) and pretty much ignore the rest of the league. Now I find myself monitoring pretty much every game because I've got players involved or my opponent for the week does.
me: Before fantasy football, I only cared about football teams (mainly loving the Bears and hating the Raiders and the Vikings and the Packers). Now, except for the Bears, I only care about individual players. Overall, my interest in the league is higher now, but I generally couldn't care less who wins what.
me: How many references to The Hills in a sports column does it take before you lose all credibility as a writer?
I like Simmons as much as the next guy, but we need to have an intervention.
Corban: What's the Hills?
me: A crappy MTV reality show about self-absorbed, vacuous California teens.
Corban: Is that the one that seems like it's actually scripted?
me: I don't know, I don't watch it. But it wouldn't surprise me. I don't think that any of those kids can actually speak coherently by themselves.
Corban: I think that most reality show are basically crap. I do like some of the competition shows however. Wipeout is awesome.
Corban: Sorry I've been quiet. I took the Browns to the Super Bowl.
me: Well, wouldn't Art Modell be proud.
Corban: I think he lost all straight males when he wrote an entire paragraph about characters from the Hills.
me: Yeah, you're probably right.
I understand having a guilty pleasure. But it should remain hidden. You don't want anybody outside of yourself who knows that you like The Hills or 90210, whether you're male or female.
