Ed note: The principal arguments of the Pantheon are not personal attacks on the competitors. These articles are really just an argument over semantics. We feel that the term “sport” has been bastardized and we hope to help refine it.
This is the first in what should be a multi-part series dissecting various Olympic events’ claims for inclusion in the Pantheon of Sport. We’ll start off with perhaps the easiest, synchronized swimming.
For the first few years of its existence, synchronized swimming was known as “water ballet.” While Baryshnikov is a prime specimen of power, grace, and agility, one would strain to define ballet as sport, right? If you were to put a ball in his hands I suspect that he would look a lot like that kid in junior high gym class who spent more time facing his computer screen than a backboard. (I know what that looks like because there exists evidence of my attempts at basketball.) So, how is it that a submerged artistic performance ever became known as a sport?
Okay, here’s a quick aside. It appears to be a stretch to think that many people, if anyone, actually considers synchronized swimming to be a sport. In fact, the IOC website only refers to the event as a sport once.
First, according to the rules set forth in the intro Pantheon article, “Scoring cannot be subjective.” Subjective scoring is the only form of scoring existent in this event. The judges not only award points based on difficulty of maneuvers or on the synchronicity of teammates, they also indirectly take into account costume and makeup. So, the more creative the costume (not uniform, costume) the more favorably the judges will score. When would that happen in any legitimate sport?
Second, the name doesn’t completely fit the performance. How can there be solo synchronized swimming? Is the performer synchronized with the voices in her head? It could be said that she is synchronized with the music, but that is hard to prove. So, not only do I propose this event’s exclusion from the Pantheon of Sport, I also propose a name change: Organized Limb Flailing.
Finally, when was dancing in unison considered a sport? If it were Iron Maiden would be considered legends in the sport.
I would go on about Organized Limb Flailing’s exclusion from the Pantheon, but I’m getting bored with this event. So the verdict is: Synchronized Swimming is NOT a sport. Take us out Sting:
Amen
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