As a way to help our readers understand our nearly 18 month absence from The Differ I wanted to give a brief update on our contributors' whereabouts, without making a long-winded, excuse-laden post. But that's no fun. So I've decided to post a series of columns that tell our missing (read: fabricated) story through out-of-context GMail chat conversations in a series of 10 posts.
What you're about to piece together is the story of two sometimes bloggers and their downfall into lives of addiction, organized crime, and Hollywood idea men. Only to be redeemed through Eastern philosophy, passing the blame, and sarcasm, so much sarcasm. Much of what follows requires you, the reader, to interpret the chats to understand what was happening, but sometimes we will chime in with some helpful commentary.
This is just a story that we felt needed be told. If you take nothing from it, that's your loss; but, if your life is improved from the life lessons you find here, you're welcome.
(While the "story" may or may not have actually happened, all of the chats are 100% real, spur of the moment nuggets of idiocy (with occasional creative editing). We swear.)
August 12, 2009:
Josh: That's the sure sign of giving up.
If you ever felt like ending things after hearing the name "Carlos Boozer," then you'll know how we felt after our last post on July 23, 2009-a date that would live as the end of The Differ Version 1.0.
August 14, 2009:
Corban: Did you hear about the Ute's QB decision?
Josh: Yeah, going without a quarterback could be risky. But I think I like it.
Corban: I don't think you read the article correctly.
Josh: I like not ever understanding what I'm responding to.
Corban: So, gender confusion is no good but sexual confusion is alright?
Josh: Correct.
Someone may just need a little validation.
August 25, 2009:
Corban: I think you need to be psychologically evaluated.
Josh: You think? That's your problem. By thinking you permit the transmissions from the government to invade your thoughts and control your actions. Sucker.
And so the descent into psychosis begins.
August 26, 2009:
Corban: Are you working today?
Josh: Yes.
January 6, 2010:
Corban: Maybe it's time to bring back The Differ.
Josh: Are you going to start it up?
Corban: Sorry, I can't spell.
Evidence that adult illiteracy is still a problem that needs to be addressed in this country. The Differ becomes its latest victim. Thanks a lot Obamacare.
January 27, 2010:
Corban: That's when I knew that Dave loved me.
February 18, 2010:
Corban: I guess it's easy to say "Only $5 million" when it's not your money.
Josh: I know. When I save $5 million it's awesome. (I play in some expensive fantasy leagues.)
Corban: What's the payout on a league like that?
Josh: The Clippers. (It's an expensive league.)
Corban: Yeah, you mentioned that.
A $5 million league is the quickest way to owing some powerful and ruthless people. I'm not saying that Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, is involved in organized crime, I'm just saying that his $5 million fantasy league is a scary place as Josh is about to find out.
Josh: My biggest disappointment [with the Jazz trading Ronnie Brewer] is that Boozer will now be forced to change his last name since his supplier's gone.
Corban: I guess he'll just have to switch to Okur©. I think it's a kind of Turkish whiskey.
Josh: Wild Turkish©?
Corban: Maybe, my Turkish is a little rusty.
Josh: Or the Jazz can sign Rusty Moonshine from the D-League.
Corban: I hear Marq Crackdealer is available from Europe.
Josh: That's not true. He's tied to Real High Madrid for the next five years.
A little too much knowledge of obscure Turkish whiskeys? Maybe.
February 26, 2010:
Corban: Sarcasm is difficult to convey online.
Josh: Not really, I always know when I'm being sarcastic.
(Read part II here.)
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