The Downfall and Recovery of a Sometimes Blog: Part IV

Sometimes things don't work out how you'd like them to. Sometimes life gets in the way of things you enjoy. Sometimes you can't post on a little-read blog because you're stuck between two competing crime syndicates. Sometimes you just make stuff up because the truth is somewhat less interesting. This is my dilemma.

(Read Parts I, II, and III.)

So you've made it this far. This is where your dedication pays off. Everything kind of goes off the rails here. By the way, what are the symptoms of rabies?


March 23, 2010
Corban: So how do you feel now that we're in a totalitarian country?
Josh:  Sick, just sick.
Corban: Well, you can go to the doctor now.
Josh:  No, that's just what the doctor said to me this morning, "You're sick." I blame my illness and my doctor's inexactness on the Commies.
Corban:  It's a slippery slope from providing health care to children and the poor to Barack Stalin.
Josh:  Who's going to make me pay? The government? What is this, China?
Corban:  China owns most of our roads. So, maybe.
Josh:  Do they own the sidewalks?
Corban: Probably not. Just stay on the sidewalks, you'll be fine. But, I don't think you'll get healthcare on the sidewalks.
Josh:  I don't need healthcare while driving my Peterbilt on the sidewalks. Or, is it called Troybilt?
Corban:  I think it's pronounced "John Deere."
Josh:  Google confirmed that Peterbilt makes big rigs and Troybilt makes lawncare tools. Who would drive their lawnmower on the sidewalk when they've got a big-ass big rig? Lawnmowers are for mowing grass not people.
Corban:  I guess you haven't read all the amendments to the healthcare bill.
Josh:  The only healtcare I need is called The Rapture.
Corban: You've been talking to the fundamentalists again, haven't you?
Josh:  I wouldn't call it talking.
Corban: Being yelled at?
Josh:  Do you know the sound of a steamroller going over a mound of badgers?
Corban: Funny you should ask.
That's it. I thought it was funny you would ask that question.
Josh:  I have another one then. Can licking a store-display iPhone give you rabies? Or did I get it from the soap-eating raccoon?
Corban:  The the display iPhone would do it.
Josh:  I blame Joe Biden.
Corban:  Have you seen those apple-obsessed people? Pretty sure they have rabies.
Josh:  Rabies is a made-up disease, like socialism and throat cancer.
Since I'm nearly a doctor, do you think I could diagnose Glenn Beck with dementia and have him institutionalized?
Corban:  He's got his own doctors. They bleed people like they did in the 18th Century.
Josh:  That's why his face has that "just-leeched" look?
Corban:  It's a trade secret to make you appear more conservative.
Josh:  And what make one look more liberal?
Peyote? Birkenstocks? A Subaru? A "I'm not gay but my boyfriend is" bumper sticker?
Corban: A Massachusetts driver's license, or Norah Jones tickets.
Josh: Organic leeches?
Corban: Organic leeches are in season right now.
Josh: Organic stickers are always in season. Organic Stickers would be a good restaurant name.
Corban: I'm getting hungry.

Is unexplained hunger a symptom?

Josh: Let's not be defined by definitions.
Corban:  Wow, that's deep.
Josh: I'm on a lot of mind-altering Robitussin. And I'm pretty sure "Ricola" is Swiss for "LSD."

At least there's an excuse for the obviously delusional behavior.

(Prepare yourselves for two people knee deep in addiction, organized crime, not-quite-Hollywood delusion, Guru Josh and finally some peace and self-actualization in the coming week. Part V coming Monday.)